Limits typically aren't things that we ever think about. Well, we might draw a limit in our head... mumble it under our breath, but we never actually tell our partner about those limits. Which is weird if you think about it because those are the people that are crossing the limits the most.
Specifically, I'm talking about the bedroom. Some people think that their vanilla way about doing things is the only way that there is, annnnnd they hate it. This might lead down the road of, "this is the way that we've always done it, so this must be the only way my partner likes it."
We see in tv and movies that couples who "spice things up" will always take out some handcuffs or maybe just a blindfold. But is that all there really is? The answer is no. There's a whole smorgasbord of possibilities. The key here is education. Go research all of the different kinds of kinks or fetishes out there and bring these topics up to your partner.
Figure out what you like and what you don't like. Of course the world isn't as black and white. There's a whole spectrum of gray.
I am providing you with a Master Limit List. This isn't everything that there is in the world, just as much as I could find for now. Take some time a fill it out for yourself then share it with your partner. You'd be surprised at the things that you have in common. Make a date night out of this. Make it fun and get the fantasy idea juices flowing.
List Explained: Below are the columns within the list and what they all mean.
Activity: The name of the activity. It's even broken down into different materials, items, etc.
Receive/Give/Both: This is where you indicate whether you would like to receive the action, give the action, or maybe both.
Experience: Write down yes or no. If for some reason you feel shame, then leave it blank. This is for you and your partner only.
Hard Limit: In no way shape or form will this ever ever ever ever ever happen. This will cause either physical or mental trauma. These MUST BE RESPECTED!!! (side note... if someone does not respect your hard limits, that's a red flag for therapy or cause for terminating the relationship)
Soft Limit: These are limits with conditions. As in, for now they are to be considered hard limits until enough trust is built between the involved parties. Again, these MUST BE RESPECTED and NOT PUSHED!! It should be up to the individual to change the limit or remove it all together. There might be a risk of physical or mental trauma if not under the right conditions.
Maybe: These are the activities that aren't going to cause trauma buuuuut the person is super hesitant about them. However it's still on the table for future negotiation.
Curious: Haven't done it before, but it looks like it can be fun.
OK: GREEN LIGHT GO! Things that you know for sure that you like.
DO IT!: This is the "OMG OMG OMG DO IT AGAIN!" column. These are things that are your favorites.
Comments: Whatever conditions or comments that you want to make to your partner go here.
Please please please make this fun. Make a date night out of this. Put on your curiosity hat and have google ready to look up some of these things. If you approach this list with curiosity, the whole process will be enjoyable and you will probably be interested in more things.
If you approach this with judgement and hesitation, you will probably dislike this list altogether. Do not judge yourself or your partner for the things that they like or dislike. That is only going to make yourself or them feel so much shame. Once someone feels shame, they are just going to retreat into themselves. Nobody wants to feel that, and nobody wants to be the cause of that. So please, no judgements!!
For more information, or to get in contact with me directly, head on over to my FB Group. Share with us your experiences with going over the list. You don't have to go into details, but what were some of the emotions that went through your head. How did you make a date night out of this? Can't wait to see you there!!