Weren't the beginning months of dating just awesome? We were so curious about each other. We wanted to know what the other person was up to. We wanted to know everything about them. We wanted to know what their favorite food was. We wanted to know what hobbies and activities they enjoy. We wanted to know each others favorite position. We would talk for hours.
Then people get engaged. At this point, everything becomes about the future. Curious about future jobs, future houses, future kids. We were still curious. Those creative mind juices were flowing.
Then BAM, marriage happens and for some reason, curiosity goes out the window. Curiosity turns into accusations. Curiosity turns into blame. All of our questions turn into why questions. "Why did you forget this?" "Why did you have that reaction?" "Why don't you do these things for me anymore?" "Why don't you spend time with me anymore?"
'Why' typically puts people right into defense mode. It almost sounds as if whatever follows the word 'why' is just dripping with judgement. I'm not saying to stop asking these questions. The answers to these questions are very much needed.
Instead, reword your questions into 'What' questions. "What happened when this occurred?" "What thoughts do you have on this topic?" "What happened to date night?" "What is going on that you are so busy?"
Those questions seem more curious than accusatory. 'What' questions brings out that persons creative brain. This will turn into creative problem solving, even if there really isn't a problem to solve. Brains are just wired that way.
Try this the next time you are about to ask your partner 'why'. Rephrase your question into a 'what' question. See how different the reaction will be. Come on over to our FB Group and share your experiences with this.