This week I will be counting down 5 things that alternative lifestyle relationships do that should be a part of every romantic relationship. Welcome to Day 4: Discussing Power Dynamics.
Typically, in alternative lifestyle relationships, this conversation happens at the very beginning of the dating/vetting process. One person says that they are dominant and the other says that they’re submissive. One would think that the dominant has all of the power no matter what. That is actually a fallacy. The submissive is the one that CHOOSES to give CERTAIN power to the dominant. At any point, the submissive can have a discussion with that dominant and change that power.
This power exchange doesn’t have to involve intimacy at all. We all deal with power exchanges all of the time without ever really noticing it. The point of today’s topic is to get you to consciously look at the power you have/want and choose if you want more or less.
Here’s are some examples:
-Husband says he’s not good with money because he never thinks to check the account. So he gives his wife power over the money so they don’t fall behind on bills.
-Wife has a super hard time making decisions (food, clothing, things to do, etc). So the wife comes up with 2-3 choices that she’s happy with and gives the husband power to make the final decision. This allows some of the anxiety within the wife to be relieved.
-Partner A tends to lose track of time when watching TV/phone/playing games. So Partner A gives power to Partner B to limit the time spent doing those activities so that the time can be better spent elsewhere.
Think about what you have final say over within your relationship. Is it too much? Do you feel overwhelmed? Which decisions would you like your partner to make? Have the discussion with them. Create a happy medium between the both of you. This is great when it comes to preventing some arguments because you both will know who consensually has the final decision power.
For more info and/or support, come on over to the FB group. Let us know about power struggles in your relationship.