Fear


Thoughts cause our emotions. Emotions lead to actions. Actions lead to results.

With this in mind, let's talk about fear. When I mention fear, I'm not talking about fight/flight/freeze fear. Fight/flight/freeze is purely survival and bypasses thoughts completely. I'm talking about everything else. Is it a fear of loneliness? Fear of public speaking? Fear of heights? Fear of losing someone? Those are all caused by thoughts. Thoughts of dislikes or just plain illogical thoughts. As per the examples already listed, dislike of being humiliated, dislike of being alone or dislike of oneself, dislike of physical pain, or dislike of being dizzy.

Fear lasts so long because we interrupt it and push it away trying not to feel it anymore. When fear comes up, take a minute and feel the fear. "The brain becomes hyperalert, pupils dilate, the bronchi dilate and breathing accelerates. Heart rate and blood pressure rise." (Smithsonian) Then figure out why that fear is coming up and the thoughts behind it. Bring up logic.

Think of your fear as a separate entity from you. When it comes up, it's trying to protect you from something. Talk to it. "Why are you coming up now? What are you trying to protect me from? Thanks for bringing it up however your reason doesn't apply here anymore. I'm going to do _____ anyway. Feel free to join me to make sure that I succeed."

It might seem a bit silly to talk to your fear. Either do it anyway or figure out a way that's similar to this.

The what-if game is something that fear loves to do. This is fine for brainstorming possible things that might go wrong but you MUST come up with solutions or plans to succeed. Thinking about all of the what-ifs and then focusing on the problems themselves are just going to spiral you down deeper into fear.

Let's walk through one that isn't as obvious: Fear of Success

This is where anxiety gets mixed in with fear. It's the unknown that'll get people worried. Let's break it down.

What will happen if you succeed?

-Dislike of being super busy all of the time

-Dislike of losing family time

-Dislike of possibly taking risks

-Dislike of telling people what to do

-Dislike of confrontation

Putting plans in motion today will help alleviate all of that. Schedules can be put in place, classes can be taken, and boundaries can be set.

Take some time today to have a chat with your fear. Give it a new job in a way that supports you.

In cases of chronic fear and anxiety, please get help. Do yourself a favor and see a therapist who can help you dive deeper into those fears. What's written above is simply a method, not a cure.

#balance #personaldevelopment #growth #EmotionalIntelligence #Alone #fear

©2018-2020 by Mel the Coach, Mt Washington, KY