Soul Searching and Breakups


After a breakup is typically a time of tears, tissues, ice cream, and booze. It's a time when we go and change ourselves physically (new clothes/haircut/hair dye). Why not take this moment to do some quick soul searching? Here are some key questions that you can ask yourself to help ease the transition to to new and single you.

Validation is one of those hidden things that we never really thought about but is quite important. (Examples: Did you always find yourself doing things to get your partner's approval or praise? Did you just need someone to agree with you all of the time?)

What validation were you seeking from your partner?

Why were you seeking that validation?

What are other ways that you can get that validation?

How can you get that validation from yourself?

Expectations are sneaky. We think about them all of the time in our head but not always make them known. How often did you expect your partner to do something but then got super disappointed because they never did it? (Example: Expected them to notice and like a new haircut. Expected them to react a certain way when you did something for them.)

What unspoken expectations did you have of that other person?

Why were they unspoken in the first place?

How will this be different going forward?

Lessons are everywhere. Every interaction with someone is a lesson (either to you or to them). Breakups allow you the chance to reflect back on yourself and the relationship. Take those lessons and figure out how they pertain to your new life going forward.

What lessons did I learn from this relationship?

What did I learn about how I want to love others?

What did I learn about how I want to be loved?

What did I learn about myself?

What did I learn about how I treat others?

This simple soul searching doesn't have to apply to just breakups. This can apply to any relationship you have ever had (intimate/social/familial). The answers don't need to be huge revelations. They should be whatever you need to move on and make that transition easier.


©2018-2020 by Mel the Coach, Mt Washington, KY